Relationship Woes

Helloo,

This is my third attempt at today's post as it keeps changing within the days just gone.

Firstly, it was all about loneliness and how frankly besides my my partner, Corey and family I have been feeling insulated in this world at the moment. I have no one. I admitted at times I wasn't the best of friends as I would take a day or two to text back or sometimes cancel plans because I just couldn't be bothered. But I am the friend who everyone turns too when they need advice - the agony aunt! Listens to everyone else's bullsh*t but when it is my own, there's no one to be seen! But after some self pitty and a miserable week or two I came to realise I am not alone in feeling this way.

I saw on Twitter recently someone (can't remember who sorry!) saying about sometimes you just need to let go of friends despite everything. That wasn't the exact phrase but can't remember that either haha!

On Halloween, I didn't attend my best friend's 21st birthday and I didn't even tell her I wasn't going - yes it was naughty of me but let me explain.. We had been best friends since 13, spent literally 4 years inseparable. But then I got in a relationship, she hadn't been in one before you see so she didn't know what it's like to want to spend time with another, insanely jealous. We grew apart a bit and in Corey's first year she must have met him about twice. So finally, after 7ish years of friendship, I took the plunge. The strange thing is we haven't spoken at all even though I just didn't turn up to her party, awkward situation of course but randomly a few weeks ago I got deleted off Facebook. I was sad at first but realised we grew apart and frankly she was never even that good a friend anyways - oh I could tell you some hell of stories there!

My other best friend, Corey's godmother and my hairdresser we go even further back and always been a good one but at the moment I feel like our relationship is slipping away. I try but sometimes the only conversations we have now are the ones when I am getting my hair done. It worries me!

As we get older making friends gets harder, and you drift away from those you went to school with whether it be to university or to start a family. But is it selfish and strange that I just want some good old banter, a friend I can talk too, have a cup of tea with or a good old piss up. God how I would love to go get a Malibu & Lemonade, Jagerbomb and Sambuca shot x10!!

What I am getting at is that friends aren't always everything until you find the right ones, even then they may not last forever. At the moment I feel all lost and alone but I have Corey, to me that is all I need :)

It's sad to admit that my 3 year old son who has no choice in the matter is my best friend? He is always there for me, makes me smile and laugh, I see him all the time (obviously) and never let's me down.

Thought I would add a happy picture to lighten the mood a bit!

I am a mummy yes, I think some people think that I can't have fun because of this?!

Secondly, I wrote a post about how I had entered the single life as you see yesterday wasn't the best of days relationship wise and I am uncertain on where things are now. All I know is that oh my god relationships are hard. In fairness I have been a grumpy pants because of the said reason above but so has my partner for no reason at all. You see, he can be a bit of a drama queen at times. As I write this late into the night I am anticipating his return home after he has been astray. Sometimes he just doesn't understand! We don't always see eye to eye but we do love each other and have been planning a future together. Just have to see where time takes us!

I could combine those two posts into great lengthly detail for you, but just wowza it'd be like a short novel of me going on and on.. (I know you're thinking that about this post at the moment aren't you?)

For my family, I have the most supportive family ever - it is a small family though consisting of my mum, brother, uncle and grandparents. I spend most days of the week with them at any chance I can get so very close :)

Then there is my dad, who I haven't spoken to in a couple of years now. You may think this is weird but growing up I was a daddy's girl and loved being spoilt by him because we were actually good friends but our personalities clashed a lot so we would often fall out. He can be a not very nice person at times which is why I am glad I have stopped talking to him all together. But I can't help but not miss him at times, I just have to remember that it is for the best!

Now I am here with this rambling on post about god knows what really. No matter what type of relationship it is friendship or relationship, sometimes they end but I think of it as one door closes and another door opens. Okay I admit after I have shed a hell of a lot of tears and watched far too many chick flicks with popcorn and choccie!

Sometimes I am just at a loss and I hate not being in control of my own life. All I know is that I can't stand feeling alone, feeling there is no one to trust or who would even care if something were to happen to me. If you follow on Twitter you will probably know I have been so over emotional at the moment with my hormones all over the place, which I can't seem to understand as I cry at absolutely everything!!!

I am thankful for blogging though, this may not be a post some will want to read but this blog is a place for me to be myself, a release, my own little world and much more than I can even describe as I am sure you can understand. As well as I am thankful for some of the girls I have met (the above isn't about you!) just wish you didn't live so god damn far away!!

Unfortunately life isn't a fairy tale and there isn't rainbows every day - oh I wish! Let's be honest here, am I the only one who feels like this at times? That growing up sucks and despite the amount of people around actually feel lonely?

Love, Gemma xo

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