Recently I have been a little bit quiet compared to my normal on here and social media due to personal circumstances. I have hated that I haven't had the motivation to blog, I have so many ideas and things I want to write but I just couldn't. Hopefully this will change now though, so here is to a new fresh start - keep reading to find out why!
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Sometimes I can get lost in my thoughts, day dreaming of the future or wondering what could have been. How things would have been different with different life choices, would things be better or worse? There is always that one thing, what if? You see, I am one of those people who ask questions such as what if or dwell on the past. I can't help it, it is just who I have always been. I don't move on from the past very easily, even the bad stuff because well it happened. You can't just forget it. I am thankful for what the past has brought me even though frankly I do feel at 21 I am being tested to see how much sh*t I can actual handle.
But today I woke up and I realised it is time to change, I am not getting any younger and I want the most out of my future so it's time I take charge and get on with it. Now I don't know where I want to go in life right at this moment in time, I have a 100 various ideas on careers I would like to do. Sometimes I feel a little bit lost because I don't exactly know what I want to do. It's time to do stuff for myself, more coming on this in future blog post. I fell pregnant at just 16, although University isn't what I wanted to do back then, I did want to go college and stuff before becoming a mum. As girls, I think when we are younger we all have them dreams of how we want our lives to be.
Almost 2 weeks ago now, things came to an end with my relationship to someone whom I loved with all my heart and more, the love of my life. It was just one of those things and I didn't cry much to be honest because I still had this slight hope. Plus I couldn't cry because I had a heart broken little 3.5 year old who lost his best friend. It has been hard but I will try to get through, I have had to put a smile on every day and just get on with life so he doesn't see I am upset. It hit Corey hard but if he has a happy mummy, he will be happy :)
Break-ups are never easy no matter what the situation, we were at the point where we were planning a future of marriage and baby within the next year. It is sad that I know this is not going to happen any more and anyone who knows me personally, this is all I wanted with the person I love. I will admit that I am gutted to lose my best friend and love of my life.
It is a scary thought to be alone again, living alone and having to adjust but like I said - this morning I woke up and its time for a change. It is still early days and I probably have lots more tears to come, but I am going to look at the past as a good thing, remember the good times and just be thankful the bad is over now.
Already, I have noticed big changes in myself - lost almost a stone and half, got more energy and well I get even more quality time with Corey which is so great - my little bundle of joy. He is amazing and always my rock through everything even if he doesn't realise he is being it. He gives the best cuddles and kisses. We can get through it because we have each other :) The other day he goes to me "we must be nice to each other so we can make us happy" and gave me a sticker for being so nice to him - sweetie!
I always forget that I am only 21 (I feel 10x older) and I have still my whole life a head of me. It may not go how I want it too at times and there is no way any time soon I am ready nor want to find someone else. Although I would like to think that one day I will find the one, like in the movies. But when you have a little bubba, that is all that matters. Here are some of the lovely little photos we have had together this past week and I loooove them ❤:
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We know we are going to be okay because we have each other, there is nothing stronger than a mummy and child bond. So proud of the friendship I do have with him even if at times he can drive me insane! Pleased to say that he is my son, the great little clever boy he is turning into :)
So although I haven't been in the mood to blog or do much social media, even mummy bloggers community has had to take a bit of a back seat. I want to get back into but not sure when that will be. This may also seem like a depressing post but it is not, because I know myself like many others have been in this situation before and there is always a light at the end of the tunnel even if it can't be seen at the moment. I have had some amazing friends as well who have helped me through, most of whom are fellow bloggers so a big massive thank you to you all :)
If like me you have been having a bad time or just a bad day after work or something then you should check out last weeks post on tips to treat or cheer yourself up :) just click here.
Onwards and upwards, to the future & the good times ahead! :)
Love, Gemma xo
**I have made it so no one can comment on this particular post because I am not after sympathy comments on am I okay or anything but just needed to write and vent to myself to help the moving on process**
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